despair
No matter how remote God sometimes seems, I believe he is
never far away. Like the angel who stood with the Hebrew youths
in the fiery furnace, he is always there –Emmanuel, God with us. He
joins us in our pain. But what can we say to the despairing person
who feels that God does not hear her cries?
Janine, an acquaintance, sent me the following thoughts last year
during a time of turmoil in her family:
Our four kids are in their bumpy teen years. It is stressful as we
try to balance the freedom we want to give them as they grow
into young adults with the guidance we know they need. Just
the regular parent-teen thing, you know. But my husband seems
to take it all a bit harder than normal. As the conflicts seem to
escalate, his resolve weakens. The kids, insecure, push him further,
asking for – yet challenging – each boundary.
A terrifying event many years ago, when our lives were
physically threatened, still shakes my husband badly and haunts
him. Moving from our home of twenty-five years, and taking a
new job for the first time in many years, adds tension. His emotional
stability corrodes, and he succumbs.
This is depression with a capital D. Not discouragement, not
just a state of being down, or sad, or low. Depressed: numb, absent,
flat, grey, gone. For me, it’s a matter of living with someone
who is no longer the same person I married: where are you, my
husband? Blank.
Our sons react, not comprehending. My daughter grows
quiet and turns inward, confused. I am angry, then frustrated,
then stoic. Meanwhile, as days become weeks, my husband’s depression
drags on, and his self-confidence trickles away. We pray
each day, asking for help. We attend worship and prayer services
at our local church, hoping things will improve. Some weeks are
better. Sometimes even a few months go by and everything
seems okay.
When there are bad days, I just tell myself to hang in there.
After all, I’ve always been the optimistic, organized, have-it-alltogether
type.
But then I’m stopped in my tracks. One night, while I am taking
a shower, my husband realizes my second son is not at his
desk doing homework as we thought. Noticing the attic light on,
he investigates and finds him peering down through the ceiling
vent, watching me, naked.
I am nauseated, devastated. I feel totally betrayed. Looking
at women – every boy and man has felt that pull. I’m not stupid.
But sneaking into the attic to watch your mother shower?
We take our son to counseling, but it doesn’t seem to solve
anything. In the meantime my husband goes into a tailspin and
drowns in a new sea of depression. I am stranded, left to face the
doubled darkness and the pummeling waves alone.
I call my husband, and together we confront our son. Yes,
he’s been calling 1-800-dirty joke, and quite regularly. Yes, he’s
still bound to voyeurism; yes, he’s still deceiving us. My adrenaline
rushes. I’m so angry I don’t know what to do. I try to be loving,
but firm. My husband just stands there, silent, the depression
crashing in over him again. My heart feels scorched, but I
harden myself, determined to fight with all I’ve got.
Months pass, but our family goes from bad to worse. Our
oldest son becomes rebellious, dishonest, estranged from us. Our
second continues to peep at people in bathrooms and showers.
The youngest becomes demanding, selfish, wants to get out of
the house. I can’t blame him. Our daughter grows quieter and
quieter. My husband loses more ground and tries to compensate
for his feelings of parental failure by giving in to every whim of
the children in an effort to win their love.
When my son lies, my husband even takes his side, separating
himself from me, and when I find out the truth, he feels more
of a failure than ever. We go round and round, up and down. I
feel like so many windows of our marriage have shattered, it is
impossible to walk between the shards. What to sweep out?
What to repair? I want to scream, I want to run, but I can’t. I
don’t.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
believing
believing
Much has changed in the last hundred or so years since Robert
Browning penned his famous lines, “God’s in his Heaven / All’s right
with the world.” Not many of us have such a cheerful view of
things on our planet today and indeed, because of the happenings
of our century, countless people have turned from faith, doubting
the very existence of both God and heaven.
Certainly, we cannot show or see the God we worship. He is God
for us just because we can know him but cannot see him. In his
works, in all the movements of the universe, we perceive his
power always, whether in thunder, lightning, an approaching
storm, or in the clear sky.
And you believe that this God knows nothing of the doings
and dealings of men? You believe that from his throne in
heaven he cannot visit all men or know individual men? Man, in
this you are mistaken and deceived.
In all of us there is the need to relate to something or someone
greater than ourselves, a striving to elevate our human condition
above the daily struggle for survival. There is a yearning for a
power that can impart vision, meaning, and purpose to life, provide
comfort in times of need, and promise life after death.
Prayer is not the exclusive domain of Christians. Many think that
prayer to anyone other than “their” God is idolatry. This attitude is
typical of the arrogance with which many western Christians regard
the rest of the world. But surely God listens to the longings of
all those on earth. As the Psalmist declares, “A broken and contrite
heart, O God, you will not despise.” We cannot be so narrowminded
that we fail to appreciate God’s working in other religions
and movements—indeed, in every heart that is open to his spirit.
True, all beliefs are not the same, yet I believe there is something
of the divine in every culture, and that every religion thus has
something to teach us. The Gospel of John assures us that “the true
Light gives light to every person.” And if that is so, I should be able
to learn something of God from every seeker I meet. Rabbi Kenneth
L. Cohen writes that, “when religion causes us to forget that other
people are created in the divine image, when we are prepared to
sacrifice others on the altar of our beliefs, we become fanatics. When
we use religion to make God small like ourselves…we are fanatics.
Much has changed in the last hundred or so years since Robert
Browning penned his famous lines, “God’s in his Heaven / All’s right
with the world.” Not many of us have such a cheerful view of
things on our planet today and indeed, because of the happenings
of our century, countless people have turned from faith, doubting
the very existence of both God and heaven.
Certainly, we cannot show or see the God we worship. He is God
for us just because we can know him but cannot see him. In his
works, in all the movements of the universe, we perceive his
power always, whether in thunder, lightning, an approaching
storm, or in the clear sky.
And you believe that this God knows nothing of the doings
and dealings of men? You believe that from his throne in
heaven he cannot visit all men or know individual men? Man, in
this you are mistaken and deceived.
In all of us there is the need to relate to something or someone
greater than ourselves, a striving to elevate our human condition
above the daily struggle for survival. There is a yearning for a
power that can impart vision, meaning, and purpose to life, provide
comfort in times of need, and promise life after death.
Prayer is not the exclusive domain of Christians. Many think that
prayer to anyone other than “their” God is idolatry. This attitude is
typical of the arrogance with which many western Christians regard
the rest of the world. But surely God listens to the longings of
all those on earth. As the Psalmist declares, “A broken and contrite
heart, O God, you will not despise.” We cannot be so narrowminded
that we fail to appreciate God’s working in other religions
and movements—indeed, in every heart that is open to his spirit.
True, all beliefs are not the same, yet I believe there is something
of the divine in every culture, and that every religion thus has
something to teach us. The Gospel of John assures us that “the true
Light gives light to every person.” And if that is so, I should be able
to learn something of God from every seeker I meet. Rabbi Kenneth
L. Cohen writes that, “when religion causes us to forget that other
people are created in the divine image, when we are prepared to
sacrifice others on the altar of our beliefs, we become fanatics. When
we use religion to make God small like ourselves…we are fanatics.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
True education for the sexual life instills reverence.
True education for the sexual life instills reverence.
Most parents have very little, if any, idea of what their
children are taught in sex education classes. Sex education
has never been a simple presentation of biological
facts. In many curricula students are graphically taught
(sometimes by way of films) about various sexual practices,
including masturbation, and about “safe” sex. In others,
sexual perversions are openly and explicitly discussed and
presented as normal ways of finding sexual “fulfillment.” In
some school districts an appreciation and understanding for
the homosexual lifestyle is encouraged: it is, our children
are told, a perfectly acceptable alternative to heterosexual
marriage. Some schools even have students pair off to discuss
topics such as foreplay and orgasm. Antibiotics and abortion
are presented as positive safety nets in case contraception and
safe sex practices fail. Abstinence, if not entirely ignored,
is mentioned only in passing.
Sex education is little more than “safe” sex training. Initially,
it was instituted as an attempt to bank the fires of
teenage sexuality; instead, it has only fanned the flames.27
Most people seem to take it for granted that teenagers will
and should express themselves sexually. Our era is one of
millions of abortions, of countless unwed mothers on public
support, and of epidemic sexually transmitted diseases.
Clearly, the idea that accurate knowledge fosters responsible
behavior is nothing less than a grand myth.
In general, much of what is taught today in the name of
sex education is a horror, and as Christians we must protest
against it. It is often little more than the formalized training
True education for the sexual life takes place best between
parent and child in an environment of reverence and trust. To
educate anyone about sex through anonymous images and
impersonal information will only awaken the sexual impulse
of a child prematurely and, in his mind, separate sex from
love and commitment.
Obviously we should not be afraid to talk freely with
our own children about sexual matters, especially as they
approach adolescence. Otherwise they will learn about
these things first from their peers, and rarely in a reverent
atmosphere. All the same, there is a danger in giving a child
too many biological facts about sex. Often, a factual approach
to sex robs it of its divine mystery.
To the Christian parent, sex education means guiding the
sexual conscience of his or her children to sense their own
dignity and the dignity of others. It means helping them to
understand that selfish pleasure, whether it “hurts” anybody
else or not, is contrary to love (Gal. 5:13). It means teaching
them that, separated from God, sexual intercourse or any
other sexual activity burdens the conscience and undermines
honest relationships. It means opening their eyes to see the
deep emptiness that leads people – and could lead them
too – into sexual sin
Most parents have very little, if any, idea of what their
children are taught in sex education classes. Sex education
has never been a simple presentation of biological
facts. In many curricula students are graphically taught
(sometimes by way of films) about various sexual practices,
including masturbation, and about “safe” sex. In others,
sexual perversions are openly and explicitly discussed and
presented as normal ways of finding sexual “fulfillment.” In
some school districts an appreciation and understanding for
the homosexual lifestyle is encouraged: it is, our children
are told, a perfectly acceptable alternative to heterosexual
marriage. Some schools even have students pair off to discuss
topics such as foreplay and orgasm. Antibiotics and abortion
are presented as positive safety nets in case contraception and
safe sex practices fail. Abstinence, if not entirely ignored,
is mentioned only in passing.
Sex education is little more than “safe” sex training. Initially,
it was instituted as an attempt to bank the fires of
teenage sexuality; instead, it has only fanned the flames.27
Most people seem to take it for granted that teenagers will
and should express themselves sexually. Our era is one of
millions of abortions, of countless unwed mothers on public
support, and of epidemic sexually transmitted diseases.
Clearly, the idea that accurate knowledge fosters responsible
behavior is nothing less than a grand myth.
In general, much of what is taught today in the name of
sex education is a horror, and as Christians we must protest
against it. It is often little more than the formalized training
True education for the sexual life takes place best between
parent and child in an environment of reverence and trust. To
educate anyone about sex through anonymous images and
impersonal information will only awaken the sexual impulse
of a child prematurely and, in his mind, separate sex from
love and commitment.
Obviously we should not be afraid to talk freely with
our own children about sexual matters, especially as they
approach adolescence. Otherwise they will learn about
these things first from their peers, and rarely in a reverent
atmosphere. All the same, there is a danger in giving a child
too many biological facts about sex. Often, a factual approach
to sex robs it of its divine mystery.
To the Christian parent, sex education means guiding the
sexual conscience of his or her children to sense their own
dignity and the dignity of others. It means helping them to
understand that selfish pleasure, whether it “hurts” anybody
else or not, is contrary to love (Gal. 5:13). It means teaching
them that, separated from God, sexual intercourse or any
other sexual activity burdens the conscience and undermines
honest relationships. It means opening their eyes to see the
deep emptiness that leads people – and could lead them
too – into sexual sin
Saturday, March 14, 2009
All of us long for what is imperishable.
All of us long for what is imperishable.
What would we be if God had not breathed his breath into us?
Darwin’s whole theory of evolution, by itself, is dangerous
and futile because it is not God-centered. Something inside
each of us cries out against the idea that we have been hatched
by a purposeless universe. Deep within the human spirit is a
thirst for what is lasting and imperishable.
Since we are made in God’s image, and God is eternal, we
cannot, at the end of life, merely vanish again like smoke.
Our life is rooted in eternity. Christoph Blumhardt writes,
“Our lives bear the mark of eternity, of the eternal God
who created us to be his image. He does not want us to be
swallowed up in the transitory, but calls us to himself, to
what is eternal.”2
God has set eternity in our hearts, and deep within each
of us is a longing for eternity. When we deny this and live
only for the present, everything that happens to us in life will
remain cloaked in tormenting riddles, and we will remain
deeply dissatisfied. This is especially true in the sexual area.
Casual sex desecrates the soul’s yearning and capacity for
that which is eternal. No person, no human arrangement, can
ever fill the longing of our souls.
The voice of eternity speaks most directly to our
conscience. Therefore the conscience is perhaps the deepest
element within us. It warns, rouses, and commands us in our
God-given task (Rom. 2:14–16). And every time the soul is
wounded, our conscience makes us painfully aware of it. If
we listen to our conscience, it can guide us. When we are
separated from God, however, our conscience will waver
and go astray. This is true not only for an individual, but also
for a marriage.
Already in Genesis, chapter 2, we read about the
importance of marriage. When God created Adam, he said that
everything he had made was good. Then he created woman
to be a helpmate and partner to man, because he saw that it
was not good for man to be alone. This is a deep mystery:
man and woman – the masculine and the feminine – belong
together as a picture of who God is, and both can be found
in him. Together they become what neither would be apart
and alone.
Everything created by God gives us an insight into his
nature – mighty mountains, immense oceans, rivers, and
great expanses of water; storms, thunder and lightning,
huge icebergs; meadows, flowers, trees, and ferns. There is
power, harshness, and manliness, but there is also gentleness,
motherliness, and sensitivity. And just as the various forms of
life in nature do not exist without each other, God’s children,
too, male and female, do not exist alone. They are different,
but they are both made in God’s image, and they need each
other to fulfill their true destinies.
What would we be if God had not breathed his breath into us?
Darwin’s whole theory of evolution, by itself, is dangerous
and futile because it is not God-centered. Something inside
each of us cries out against the idea that we have been hatched
by a purposeless universe. Deep within the human spirit is a
thirst for what is lasting and imperishable.
Since we are made in God’s image, and God is eternal, we
cannot, at the end of life, merely vanish again like smoke.
Our life is rooted in eternity. Christoph Blumhardt writes,
“Our lives bear the mark of eternity, of the eternal God
who created us to be his image. He does not want us to be
swallowed up in the transitory, but calls us to himself, to
what is eternal.”2
God has set eternity in our hearts, and deep within each
of us is a longing for eternity. When we deny this and live
only for the present, everything that happens to us in life will
remain cloaked in tormenting riddles, and we will remain
deeply dissatisfied. This is especially true in the sexual area.
Casual sex desecrates the soul’s yearning and capacity for
that which is eternal. No person, no human arrangement, can
ever fill the longing of our souls.
The voice of eternity speaks most directly to our
conscience. Therefore the conscience is perhaps the deepest
element within us. It warns, rouses, and commands us in our
God-given task (Rom. 2:14–16). And every time the soul is
wounded, our conscience makes us painfully aware of it. If
we listen to our conscience, it can guide us. When we are
separated from God, however, our conscience will waver
and go astray. This is true not only for an individual, but also
for a marriage.
Already in Genesis, chapter 2, we read about the
importance of marriage. When God created Adam, he said that
everything he had made was good. Then he created woman
to be a helpmate and partner to man, because he saw that it
was not good for man to be alone. This is a deep mystery:
man and woman – the masculine and the feminine – belong
together as a picture of who God is, and both can be found
in him. Together they become what neither would be apart
and alone.
Everything created by God gives us an insight into his
nature – mighty mountains, immense oceans, rivers, and
great expanses of water; storms, thunder and lightning,
huge icebergs; meadows, flowers, trees, and ferns. There is
power, harshness, and manliness, but there is also gentleness,
motherliness, and sensitivity. And just as the various forms of
life in nature do not exist without each other, God’s children,
too, male and female, do not exist alone. They are different,
but they are both made in God’s image, and they need each
other to fulfill their true destinies.
Friday, March 13, 2009
God’s image sets us apart.
God’s image sets us apart.
Exactly how human beings were created remains a mystery
for the creator alone to unveil. Yet I am sure of one thing:
no person can find meaning or purpose without God. Rather
than dismiss the creation story simply because we do not
understand it, we need to find its inner, true meaning and
rediscover its significance for us today.
In our depraved age, reverence for God’s plan as described
in Genesis has been almost completely lost. We do not
treasure the meaning of creation enough – the significance of
both man and woman as creatures formed in the image and
likeness of God. This likeness sets us apart in a special way
from the rest of creation and makes each human life sacred
(Gen. 9:6). To view life in any other way – for instance, to
view others only in the light of their usefulness, and not as
God sees them – is to disregard their worth and dignity.
What does creation “in God’s image” mean? It means that
we are to be a living picture of who God is. It means that
we are to be co-workers who further his work of creating
and nurturing life. It means that we belong to him, and that
our being, our very existence, should always remain related
to him and bound to his authority. The moment we separate
ourselves from God we lose sight of our purpose here on
earth.
In Genesis we read that we have the living spirit of God:
“The Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground and
breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became
a living being” (Gen. 2:7). In giving us his spirit, God made
us responsible beings who possess the freedom to think and
act, and to do so in love.
But even if we possess a living spirit, we remain only
images of the creator. And when we look at creation in a
God-centered, not human-centered, way we will understand
our true place in his divine order of things. The person who
denies that God is his origin, who denies that God is a living
reality in his life, will soon be lost in a terrible emptiness.
Ultimately, he will find himself trapped in the self-idolatry
that brings with it self-contempt and a contempt for the worth
of others.
Exactly how human beings were created remains a mystery
for the creator alone to unveil. Yet I am sure of one thing:
no person can find meaning or purpose without God. Rather
than dismiss the creation story simply because we do not
understand it, we need to find its inner, true meaning and
rediscover its significance for us today.
In our depraved age, reverence for God’s plan as described
in Genesis has been almost completely lost. We do not
treasure the meaning of creation enough – the significance of
both man and woman as creatures formed in the image and
likeness of God. This likeness sets us apart in a special way
from the rest of creation and makes each human life sacred
(Gen. 9:6). To view life in any other way – for instance, to
view others only in the light of their usefulness, and not as
God sees them – is to disregard their worth and dignity.
What does creation “in God’s image” mean? It means that
we are to be a living picture of who God is. It means that
we are to be co-workers who further his work of creating
and nurturing life. It means that we belong to him, and that
our being, our very existence, should always remain related
to him and bound to his authority. The moment we separate
ourselves from God we lose sight of our purpose here on
earth.
In Genesis we read that we have the living spirit of God:
“The Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground and
breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became
a living being” (Gen. 2:7). In giving us his spirit, God made
us responsible beings who possess the freedom to think and
act, and to do so in love.
But even if we possess a living spirit, we remain only
images of the creator. And when we look at creation in a
God-centered, not human-centered, way we will understand
our true place in his divine order of things. The person who
denies that God is his origin, who denies that God is a living
reality in his life, will soon be lost in a terrible emptiness.
Ultimately, he will find himself trapped in the self-idolatry
that brings with it self-contempt and a contempt for the worth
of others.
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